Revenge, is a Terrible Thing
by runwitskizzers
Summary: [SasuSaku] [Team 7 hilarity] “Don’t look at the pictures. Just don’t. Just give them to me.” Well, now she had to look at them. So she did and nearly dropped them in surprise. Rated for language. I think. Did I mention this was Crack? Because it is.


"DOBE!!!!! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!"

Sakura jerked at the sound of Sasuke screaming.

Wait… Sasuke… screaming? Uchiha Sasuke never screamed in any situation unless he was so angry he was ready to- were those birds?

"_CHIDORI!!!_"

"Shit."

Jumping out of her not-so-comfortable desk chair, she ran to the window in her office. Yes, despite _certain_ people's disregard for her talents, she did have an office with a window.

There, right smack dab in the middle of a _residential_ street, were Sasuke and Naruto. One had a look of absolute fury in his red eyes, while the other was hightailing it to somewhere (anywhere, really) that wouldn't have a crackling ball of chakra coming towards him.

"Double shit."

Of course she would have to fix this, and not her infamous sensei, who should be dealing with it. She supposed she should be happy that at least they were right outside the hospital, so she didn't have to drag them too far afterwards. Sighing loudly, she transported herself outside… which she realized was a waste of chakra, but absolutely necessary in this case.

Now that she was at the scene, what would be the best way to make them stop?

…

"OH MY GOD, MY BLOUSE HAS COME UNDONE, AND NO WRAPPINGS UNDERNEATH- WHAT EVER SHALL I DO?!?!"

Well, it stopped them. And caused at least two liters of blood to gush out of a certain blonde shinobi's nose. Sasuke was just staring, eyes glazed over and open mouthed, which she prided herself in… usually the fabulously stoic Uchiha never showed any expression at all. Of course, her blouse _hadn't_ come undone, but at this point, the two teenaged boys were so busy picturing it, it didn't matter.

It could have bothered her that they were picturing such an image of her … but she just concentrated on the fact that no one was dead.

"What the hell is going on here?!"

Naruto rubbed his arm against his face to clear off the blood, and Sasuke shook himself out of the stupor.

"Sakura-chan, your shirt is still on." She rolled her eyes at his pathetic attempt to change the subject. So it was Naruto's fault then.

"Naruto, what did you do?" She said this very pleasantly, so as not to frighten the little fox away.

"I didn't do anything, Sakura-chan!!" He was very obviously lying, while Sasuke was very obviously seething.

"Dobe… tell her the truth. Or _else_."

"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME, SASUKE-TEME!!!"

"So you _did_ do something, Naruto…" He immediately settled when he heard Sakura's frighteningly soft voice. "Pray tell, what was it?"

"Well, a few weeks ago, Sasuke-"

"Took all your ramen and threw it in the river? I know. Kakashi-Sensei and I had to break it up that time, too." Sasuke's cheeks were tinged red at that. Kakashi had gotten him with that damned underground bit, _again_. And this time, instead of fainting, Sakura had laughed and laughed and laughed and then laughed some more.

"Right, well, I thought it was time to get the Teme back."

"Oh, Naruto. What did you do?"

"I took these and was going to post them all over the town." Naruto pulled out a stack of pictures and made as if to hand them to Sakura.

"KATON HOUSENKA NO JUTSU!!!!" Sasuke had blown out the infamous stream of fire from his mouth and it was headed straight for the poor, unfortunate self-proclaimed future Hokage. And her.

"MY HANDS!!"

"SASUKE, NO!!!" Luckily, at the last second she grabbed the stack Naruto was shoving at her, and they both jumped backwards and let the attack run its course in between them.

She then got up and casually dusted off her knees – too bad her calm demeanor was a lie, and only possible because she was grinding her teeth together so hard she could actually feel the bits sawing off and into her mouth.

"Sasuke, what the hell, I thought you _wanted_ me to know what the idiot did!!! What is wrong with you?!"

"Don't look at the pictures. Just don't. Just give them to me."

Well, now she _had _to look at them. So she did and nearly dropped them in surprise. Naruto was too busy dying from laughter to answer any questions, so unfortunately she had to deal with Sasuke.

"Sakura! Why would you do that?!"

"… Is this you?" He turned and faced away from her.

"No."

"It really looks like you."

"It's not."

"And that looks like Neji."

"It's not. Well, it might be, I don't know."

"And you're… kissing."

"No we're not."

"Sorry, hardcore making out."

"Sakura!!" She sniggered. For once, Naruto's revenge plan was _genius_. Honestly, she couldn't let him post them everywhere, but her having one was an entirely different story. There in the picture was the arduous lover, Sasuke, and his amour Neji, hastily locking lips, fingers in each other's hair, and seemingly every bit in love with each other.

"I didn't realize you liked that long, dark hair look, darling."

Sasuke looked like he going to explode, and then suddenly, his face went blank.

"Funny you should bring up personal preference, Sakura."

Naruto stopped laughing at looked at him, quizzically. Then, understanding flashed across his face.

"Sasuke, no!!!"

This could not possibly go anywhere good.

"Remember when _you_ punched Naruto in the head when_ I_ tripped you during a mission and then to save face you didn't apologize?"

"Oh no… Naruto, I'm _sorry_!!! Please tell me you didn't…" The foxy boy just looked down at the ground in what she assumed was shame, but it might just be for show so she wouldn't kill him.

"You're lucky I managed to get this first." Sasuke threw a package to her, which she deftly caught and opened. There was only one picture.

…

It was her.

And Ino.

_Together_.

Much like Sasuke and Neji.

"NARUTO!! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!!!!!! It was Kiba! He paid me three months salary to do it!! THREE MONTHS!! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY THAT IS?!?!... And that's where I got the idea for revenge on Teme. And that Neji bastard."

"I cannot believe you cloned and then henged into me, Ino, Sasuke, and Neji. Do you realize how much trouble you're in?"

"I, um… dattebayo?"

Sakura glared at him, and resolutely decided to fight Naruto to the death.

Of course, by "fight to the death" she really meant tie him to a pole and leave him there until someone else found him. Which she and Sasuke did. Quite efficiently. And then, Sasuke henged into our favorite loud mouthed ninja.

Hours later, Sakura and Sasuke sat together at the ramen stand. He was eating and she was just getting the details.

"So Tsunade bought you as Naruto?"

"Hn." Which she translated as 'Tsunade was too drunk to notice the difference.'

"And she agreed to let you sign up for all those D-ranks?"

"Hn." He slurped up some noodles, then continued, "I told her I wanted to be around that Hyuuga girl more, because I was going to propose."

"Sasuke-kun!!" He smirked at her and then turned back to his Miso ramen. "I'm impressed with your deviant behavior." He finished the last of the food, got up and grabbed her hand. "… Sasuke, where are we going?"

"Somewhere that you can show me just _how_ impressed you are." When they stopped, she looked at their surroundings.

"Sasuke, we're in a deserted field."

"Yes we are."

And when he kissed her, she sent a thought of thanks to poor Uzumaki Naruto who was still tied to a pole, hoping against hope that someone would cut him down soon.

He really had to pee.

A/n: Yaaay crack! I love it. So yes. This piece was done in celebration of my GRE scores coming in, and the fact that I'm really, really smart. At least according the ETS. 93rd percentile, baby. And what.

Granted, its only verbally that I'm really intelligent. Mathematically… I might be legally retarded.

Oh well. You win some, you lose some.

Much like Naruto.

Hahahaha. I love the image of Sasuke finding a picture of him and Neji kissing and being all "W-T-F NARUTO!!!"

Oye, tell me if you loved it too, k?

Review my lovelies!


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